Rediscovering Myself As A Songwriter With Ben Folds

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

That was my first thought when I walked into a songwriting retreat with Ben Folds and a room full of insanely talented writers.

I was convinced I was the least qualified person there. I hadn’t written a real song in years. 

I felt completely out of my depth, nervous, exposed, and secretly wondering if I should just turn around and go home before we even started.

But I didn’t.

And here’s what I learned in those four days: 

Every single person in that room?

From the guys currently touring to the young guns just starting out to the pros who seemed like they had it all together… 

… was feeling SOME sort of version of the same doubt. 

We all had moments where we bombed a prompt, stalled out, or wrote something we immediately hated. 

The difference wasn’t talent. 

The difference was that we kept going anyway.

Ben kept reminding us: suffer through the challenging, horrible falling-on-your-face part. 

Just keep singing. 

Don’t stop. 

Because if you stay with it long enough, something cool will always come out of it.

And he was right.

I watched incredibly gifted people mess up, laugh at themselves, and then pull something beautiful out of the mess. 

I did the same. 

I wrote songs I didn’t think I had in me anymore. 

I felt nervous and out of my depth the entire time… 

And it ended up being one of the most meaningful creative experiences I’ve had in years.

Because it reminded me that all of the people I’ve put on a pedestal… 

Our favorite artists, our colleagues, other vocal coaches we admire, the mentors we look up to… 

They all go through the exact same cycle of doubt and fear that we do. 

And in working with hundreds of artists for well over a decade, I’ve seen it all. 

But it’s weird to experience it again when you’re supposed to be the “professional,” you know?

Performance anxiety and imposter syndrome don’t magically disappear just because you’ve been doing this for a while. 

Studies show that even elite performers still deal with it regularly. 

The fear doesn’t go away. 

You just stop waiting for it to disappear before you begin.

You acknowledge it. 

You laugh at it a little. 

And then you keep showing up anyway.

Because singing the songs you love (and maybe even write yourself) is what you do. 

It’s a part of your DNA. 

And this is exactly what the first 7 days with your new Singing / Straw are often like for singers.

You get excited when it arrives, you try a few things, and then you start thinking… 

“Okay… now what the hell do I actually do with this so I don’t wear my voice out?”

You don’t have to figure it out on your own. 

You just have to be willing to feel a little wobbly at first.

The same way every single one of us does when we’re learning or re-learning something that matters to us.

If you want a little extra guidance so you’re not guessing your way through those first days?

I put together the Singing / Straw app with simple daily routines and explanations of how to actually use the straw with the tool you just bought. 

You can check it out if it feels helpful: the Straw Basics section is free the moment you download it.

You’ve got this. Even when it feels like you don’t.